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A: Parents who defy love are parents who have teenagers in need of tough love.  This is the paradox.

Incredibly, many parents feel that making excuses for their children is love.  It is not.  It is selfish and lazy, and adds a layer to their child’s disrespect for others as they mature.

By the time a defiant teen needs tough love, it is often too late for the parents so the teen is sent to an institution willing to do what they were unwilling to do: make the child responsible for their own actions.

Break the habit of trying to win your child’s approval.  It is a fleeting reward with a penance both you and your child will pay for years to come as they disregard the needs of others for their own immediate needs and gratification.

If you are willing to do the important work with your teen, outline their choices and have them sign a contract about those choices.  Be willing this time to go the distance even though your teen will test you over and over again.  Deep down, they want a mom or dad who will lead them, not cave into their selfish demands.

Tough love is love.  Be certain of that.  It’s never too late to turn over a new leaf and begin anew a life honoring everyone’s needs in harmony and balance.  Jesus asks you to be willing to be your child’s hero and do this difficult work. 

Love and be loved,

LYNN SCOTT

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Heal others through love.  Heal yourself through that love.